Suppressing my rants...

I wanna rant. And complain about every bad things that cause stress to me. I know the phrase that "you can't rid the world of sorrow, but you can choose to live in joy." But really, talk is so much easier than do. With so many things in hand, my stress level is rising constantly. 4 quizzes and tests consecutively this week. Math, History, English, Planning, etc. I could barely handle all these stress. I don't want to give up, but I couldn't trust myself.

I feel like I'm crumbling, but the pain is inevitable. Suffering might be optional, but the pressure feels like it is at the peak.

No matter how I honour my family, there will still be crazy, illogical happenings. My studies are getting more and more confusing, and I'm getting more and more tired.

I need motivation. But right now, I don't have time to slack and mourn around all these stuff. It just won't do any good. Sigh. Imma suppress everything deep to the back of my mind and charge to finish all my duties. To say the least, I'm exhausted, but it won't be the excuse to stop. There's still tons that I haven't do. I haven't finish everything in my to-do list yet, and it seems to be a neverending list. I have yet to complete my duties, and thus, I will still need to continue and go on.

I'm sick :(

So sorry for not posting in my blog for such a long time. I've been so busy with my school these days, and   my homework are flowing in non-stop, while my tests are constantly on-going. Since I put my school as one of the top 5 on my priority list, it is no surprise that blogging is at the back of my mind. I apologize for that. I usually finish my homework at 11.30 p.m. earliest, 12.30 pm on average, and if there's test on the next day, I wouldn't sleep until like 1.30 a.m. to 2.30 a.m.. And that is exactly why my immune system is low, thus I'm now really sick. I couldn't even think straight, and I keep on forgetting things that I need to do. I'm walking out quite a lot lately since my dad, brother and his wife is here, and I do enjoy the time spent with them. But I think what I need the most for now is to stay at home and rest. My body is constantly sending me the "you're-tired-now-so-go-rest" alert, and I think do need to follow it at this time. I actually don't wanna let my mom know that I'm sick. I'm afraid she'll call my brother or sister-in-law to nag bout it.

Hmmm.... I really hope I'll get well soon. I'm afraid that if I keep on forgetting things now, my dad will get angrier at me. Sorry dad.
Lord, put you mighty hands on me, and help me get well soon, please. I'm feeling kinda useless here at this moment... I'm scared, really, really scared. :( Amen.

I have another test on Monday. And I haven't finish my homework yet. Hope I can get it done ASAP so I can study for it. I'm determined to complete them well and score my test. :)

See you guys soon ;)

Fair?

Have you ever rant about your sibling(s)? I did, a lot, and still does sometimes. It is more towards my sister though. I've no idea why it isn't my brother, but maybe because my brother seems to be older than us, so he is away from us (in U.K. for his tertiary education) most of the time.

My sister and I have been enemies the moment we set eyes on each other. Heh. We have been arguing and fighting ever since I remember, and we still do, but more with the arguing than fighting, and not that often. Thank God for that. Being an older sister, I demand respect from my younger sister, and it is exactly what she doesn't give a damn about, which pisses me off. She is really quite a strong, hard-headed, independent, sometimes-irritating young lady. I salute her for being a tough girl, because, unlike her, I am more of a softie and indecisive person.

I used to think that it isn't fair that the world seems to evolves around her. Ever since young, my parents had been pampering her because she is the youngest child. When I'm 9, I am told that I'm a big girl, and thus, I need to be independent, and when SHE's 9, I'm told that she is still young, and needs to be taken care of more. See how silly my parents would sound like to me? *Laughs

It is true that I used to hate the lack of attention my parents gave me compared to my siblings, and to think back, it is still a fact that my parents really don't pay much attention to me compared to my siblings. No one could deny that. But what I came to realize is, that doesn't mean they don't love me as much as my siblings. Yes, my parents does pampers my sister more, to the point that even SHE knew that she could get away with anything, thus her stubbornness. My brother is usually the one that gets strict family-education, if one would put it that way. He is the eldest and the only son of the family, and one could only imagine the kind of pressure and expectations my parents put on him. My dad is strict when it comes to my brother, more lenient towards me and more forgiving when it comes to my sister. My mom, I think, tends to go between my brother, then my sister, and then more to my brother, me, then to my brother. What do people say? Women change their minds like they change their clothes.

I had to wonder, as the middle child, why isn't the world fair? I mean... Couldn't our parents just give the same attention to us 3? But then it struck me that the world was never fair, and it never will be. Why should it be fair to us? Life never owes us anything to begin with. When it comes the time when my brother went to U.K. for his tertiary studies,  I'm the oldest among my siblings at home. My parents DID start giving me more attention, but I felt pressured and uncomfortable with the sudden spotlight. Weird, because it was what I had always been craving for.

My sister, obviously, grew up, and of course, we, being sisters, still bitch about each other. :D I admit that I don't do a very good job being an elder sister, and does have a fair share annoying her. She has her strong points, as well as her weak points, and so do I. Being fair really isn't what I care about nowadays. I started to care more about my parents, siblings, friends, studies, and myself. I learnt to let go, and live and let live. Too much stress isn't too good for me anyway, so why not just relax and take things slowly? Yes, I still rant about my family, but that doesn't mean I don't love them, right? :)

Stop and stare, 

You think you're moving but you go nowhere,

You start to wonder why you're here, not there,

And you'd give anything to get what's fair,

But fair ain't what you really need...

How heavy is your bag?

There was once a teacher who told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes for themselves. For every person they'd refuse to forgive in their life, they are told to pick a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of the clear plastic bag, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

The students were then told that they're to carry their clear plastic bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work, making it a part of their life.

The hassle of lugging it around with the students made it clear to them what weight they are carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time so that they would not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated and turned to bear nasty smell and slime. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!!!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while it is true, it is clearly also a gift for ourselves!

So the next time you decide that you cant forgive someone, ask yourself, "Isn't MY bag heavy enough?"

Forgiveness may not change the past, but it definitely brightens the future. ;)

JOY!!!

Ngek ngek ngek xD

I finally got my L license~~ LOL

The joy of an 18 year-old idiot passing her knowledge test for the first time. That's me!  xP

This too shall pass ;)

One morning, a young boy, named Solomon, saw the goldsmith who works for King David's palace walks out of the palace with extreme desperateness and sadness. Solomon asked the goldsmith with curiosity, "What makes you so sad and desperate?"

The goldsmith answered, "I have to provide a solution to the King in seven days, or I will be take out of my job. I am really confused because there is no solution for what the King asked."

"What is the solution that the King asked for?" Solomon was curious.

The goldsmith presented the demand of the King to Solomon as followed. "I need to make a gold ring for the King with the inscription on it that will help the King to not be too happy that will cause him to forget the divine truth during his happy moments, but at the same time, the inscription should help him not to lose his heart when he is facing failures and desperations."

Immediately, Solomon gave what the goldsmith needs to inscribe on the ring.

He said: "Write as followed."

"This too shall pass."

credits: Vitamins for d soul

How I spent my first week of holiday...

I take things soooo easily nowadays. I know, I know... There's still Planning 10 assignments nagging me at the back of my mind... But really, who wants to do it if they could choose? =.=

This week was pretty nice. I got to enjoy some time working out in gym, swimming for a bit, and then hop into the sauna to sweat for a while. I slept like a dead pig (don't I always?) since I got the time of the world before school starts again.

Dear, you'll be proud to hear this. I helped mom with the chores (vacuuming, ironing, etc) without her calling me to do so. xD Just wanna share with you how obedient I am nowadays to fish for some compliments from you! ngek ngek ngek~

I received great news this week. Got to rest and relax for a bit. Work out as much and as long as I want. Laze and slack around whenever I felt like it. And I'm still planning to go out with friends next week. Tell me this isn't heaven?!?! =)

Understanding myself

Sometimes I thought I understand myself well, but yet there's still conflicts over my own personalities at times...

I know I'm a softie, always feeling sad, sorry and sympathy towards the weak, poor and vulnerable. It could range from a beggar to a wild dog wandering on streets. My friend said I'm a little too compassionate, worrying too much because I care too much. I take my friends as my family, and keep them close to me. I felt pain too easily, even if the one who got hurt wasn't me, just because I care. That's why I'm deemed a softie.

But at times, I show strength, and toughen up. Self encouragement doesn't always work as well as I want, but I get through with it, and get my jobs/tasks done, by hook or by crook. Whenever I see/read/know of the cruel ways one treat the other, a surge of ANGER comes to me, and I immediately think of cruel thoughts to treat the ones who I deem evil. But really, how good am I compared to the "evil one" when I, myself, is also thinking of the same, cruel, and evil stuff as him/her?

And then I remember:

"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

I always think that these verses are scary, even though it does makes sense. I don't have the courage to take away my own flesh, which makes me selfish and possessive of the worldly things...

I let self-pity wash over me at times, and yet I still have the consciousness to bring myself back to the reality and move on with my life. I am a coward myself. No joke. I'm afraid of heights, cockroaches, rats, large amount of freshly flowing blood, etc. But most importantly, I'm afraid of the feeling of falling, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sometimes, even my achievements counts. And yet, I could conquer all these fear, even if I am afraid, when I am left with no choice.

I take things too seriously sometimes, and I constantly need to remind myself to loosen up and relax. My temper is worst, and thus I consistently need to be patient, tolerate and endure towards what I dislike.

I'm a people-pleaser. I'd rather please others, and comply to their wants or wishes, like how I want to please my parents ever since young. But then I am a leader, taking charge of  even the tiniest details of my duties, and leading my mentees to accomplish everything in the right directions. I love the people around me dearly. My friends are my family, and my family is my gifts, and my gifts are all presents from God. I wouldn't compare who is more important to me. I judge who to go to with my feelings, instincts, or the needs of one. It doesn't really make sense, but really, how much of the things we know could be explained with logic?

I may be emotional, but I could also mask it up and get everything done. See the conflict over there? No wonder I get myself confuse over.. myself..... LOL

but I realize that each and every one of these results from fear, and these fears comes from me. They are my biggest limit, thus I, myself, is my biggest limitation. I am my own enemy, and also my own ally. It is just who I wanna be that counts. I may stumble and fall, which either results in the need of others (friends, family, Lord, etc) to pull me up, or I might have to find the strength within myself, but I know that if I choose to not give up, I will pull through, and when I look back in time at the near future, I will feel satisfaction surrounding over me.

A weight is lifted

On this evening

I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight,

It ends tonight.

;)

What more did you want?

A city is experiencing a terrible flood.

A man is sitting on his front porch watching the water rise and a jeep drives up. "Get up! Everything is going to be underwater!"

"No thanks. God will save me."

An hour passes, and the water has risen into the house. A boat comes by. "Get in! You're going to drown!"

"No thanks. God will save me."

Soon the water rises over the house. The man is now on the roof. A helicopter flies overhead. "We'll lower a line. Get in or you'll die!"

"No thanks. God will save me."

The man drowns. When he gets up to heaven and meets God, he asks, "God! Why didn't you save me?!"

"I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

– Author unknown

Recognize the gifts that you are given. Due to the carelessness of one's surrounding, ignorance often leads to disaster. Be grateful and appreciative, for it is what the world lacks a lot. 

Holidays!!!

MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!! My holidays OFFICIALLY started! Really, summer classes took off 75% of my holidays. So now Imma enjoy my 2 to 3 weeks of summer break before the school starts.

I've been going to the gym and pool for the past 2 days after summer classes ended. It's been such a long time since I actually touch my sneakers! And so I sweated my heart out =D Oh boy! Imagine the satisfaction I get after all those work outs!

Yes. I still have to do my Planning 10 assignments. But still, if I could do it in a stress free environment, then why not? ;)

OHH EEMM GEE!!!

You have no freaking idea what I'd do to get good grades for my courses! I stayed up till late night to cramp for Biology, and then get like 45 minutes of sleep, and then wakes up again to study!! @.@ But still, sleep tempts me into her world, and I end up getting my "proper" sleep at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m. I think. LOL Even I'm not sure when I melt unto my bed  yesterday  today! And so, unsurprisingly, I dread waking up at 8.30 a.m. and continuously lie on my bed until 10.15 a.m. before I drag myself to the bathroom.

And so, the test was horrible. I think I totally flunk the test... =x Oh well... But this is also where the fun starts! Vi, Min and I all walked to 7-11 to get slurpees, and then get Min her 1st Starbucks ever!!

There, her 1st Starbucks, Green Tea Frappucino

 Her first sip! Hehehe

thumbs up!

We then walked to Coquitlam Centre to check out the newly opened American Outfitters store, but before that, we just had to feed our curiosity and climb up the stairs to the *ahem ahem* PARKING LOT!! xD

Being us, we cam-whored... Prove? Here xD

I blinked... On our 1st photo... =.=

Nice view isnt it?

Ready to strike...

Phailed...

007 LOL

Vii looked a bit too happy, doesnt she? xD

I kinda cut off both of our faces.. but never mind LOL

The amount of attempts we took to get this picture! HAHAHA

Opps.. Caught off guard, Min! 

Yeah!

 And were trying to figure out how to play the game

:)

Shopping for clothes 

A rest after a longgg day

Really, we had so much fun playing the demo games at Future Shop xD Tired out, we all went back home. And since it's been a very very very long time since I had a nice long hot shower, I decided to have one in the middle of the night, just for the like of it! WAHAHAHAHAHA!! Well, I do deserve it, don't I? =D 

(P/s: Min, Vii, thanks for the awesome days spent together during summer's Bio 12. Glad I met you guys!)

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Urgh. I'm suppose to be studying for my Biology 12 finals tomorrow, but since nothing goes into my brain, I might as well just blog for today. I'm actually planning to stick to the study-and-reward method, but.. Oh well, maybe I'll just do it the other way round xD

I dont have any motivation to study, but listening to this kinda cheer me up a little (like, before I look down at my pile of Biology...)

HAHAHA! The lyrics are sooo funny, and the song's sooo catchy, I find myself singing to it while studying (no wonder nothing goes into mah brain. Ishh) It's nice to watch hilarious videos at times like this, isn't it? LOL

@.@ I can't wait to get over with tomorrow's finals and hang out with Min and Vi!!! Just hope that I get good grades for tomorrow... Oh Lord, please help meh! I promise you I'll really study VERY VERY hard. Grant me a fresh and clear mind so I can understand what I'm studying, and give me good memories to last till 3:30 p.m. tomorrow. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen. 

(p/s: I still lack motivation. LOL. HEHEHE.) 

My First Post ;P

Okay. This entire post is dedicated to Minji Lee, who actually helped me with the AWESOME BLOG NAME, and encouraging me to restart a totally new blog. =D Thanks Min!

And of course, since this post is made entirely for you, I've made a thank-you list for you, and which also lists what I love about you.

Here it goes:

• Min, thanks for always texting me ever since you've downloaded Viber. LOL.
• Your encouragement never fails to dampen our spirits! xD
• Your hilarious jokes and mind-blowing metaphors ALWAYS ALWAYS makes my day
• Thanks for always sharing movies and K-Pop MVs with me
• And of course, always keeping me entertained when I'm studying for Biology 12 xP

To tell the truth, my life isn't really that adventurous, but I have awesome peeps that makes my day, and who could deny that? Flying all the way from Kuala Lumpur, I set out to an entirely new expedition of my life in B.C., Canada. As I see my peeps venture into different paths of life – college, work, national service, etc – I'm glad that we are all moving on with our life, which means we are all still awake and alive.

Friends, I miss you guys soooo much! Words can never describe the nostalgic moments I constantly get thinking about you guys. I never regret any moments spent with you all, because really, each and every one of you fills my world, consistently brightening it. =D