Suppressing my rants...

I wanna rant. And complain about every bad things that cause stress to me. I know the phrase that "you can't rid the world of sorrow, but you can choose to live in joy." But really, talk is so much easier than do. With so many things in hand, my stress level is rising constantly. 4 quizzes and tests consecutively this week. Math, History, English, Planning, etc. I could barely handle all these stress. I don't want to give up, but I couldn't trust myself.

I feel like I'm crumbling, but the pain is inevitable. Suffering might be optional, but the pressure feels like it is at the peak.

No matter how I honour my family, there will still be crazy, illogical happenings. My studies are getting more and more confusing, and I'm getting more and more tired.

I need motivation. But right now, I don't have time to slack and mourn around all these stuff. It just won't do any good. Sigh. Imma suppress everything deep to the back of my mind and charge to finish all my duties. To say the least, I'm exhausted, but it won't be the excuse to stop. There's still tons that I haven't do. I haven't finish everything in my to-do list yet, and it seems to be a neverending list. I have yet to complete my duties, and thus, I will still need to continue and go on.

I'm sick :(

So sorry for not posting in my blog for such a long time. I've been so busy with my school these days, and   my homework are flowing in non-stop, while my tests are constantly on-going. Since I put my school as one of the top 5 on my priority list, it is no surprise that blogging is at the back of my mind. I apologize for that. I usually finish my homework at 11.30 p.m. earliest, 12.30 pm on average, and if there's test on the next day, I wouldn't sleep until like 1.30 a.m. to 2.30 a.m.. And that is exactly why my immune system is low, thus I'm now really sick. I couldn't even think straight, and I keep on forgetting things that I need to do. I'm walking out quite a lot lately since my dad, brother and his wife is here, and I do enjoy the time spent with them. But I think what I need the most for now is to stay at home and rest. My body is constantly sending me the "you're-tired-now-so-go-rest" alert, and I think do need to follow it at this time. I actually don't wanna let my mom know that I'm sick. I'm afraid she'll call my brother or sister-in-law to nag bout it.

Hmmm.... I really hope I'll get well soon. I'm afraid that if I keep on forgetting things now, my dad will get angrier at me. Sorry dad.
Lord, put you mighty hands on me, and help me get well soon, please. I'm feeling kinda useless here at this moment... I'm scared, really, really scared. :( Amen.

I have another test on Monday. And I haven't finish my homework yet. Hope I can get it done ASAP so I can study for it. I'm determined to complete them well and score my test. :)

See you guys soon ;)

Fair?

Have you ever rant about your sibling(s)? I did, a lot, and still does sometimes. It is more towards my sister though. I've no idea why it isn't my brother, but maybe because my brother seems to be older than us, so he is away from us (in U.K. for his tertiary education) most of the time.

My sister and I have been enemies the moment we set eyes on each other. Heh. We have been arguing and fighting ever since I remember, and we still do, but more with the arguing than fighting, and not that often. Thank God for that. Being an older sister, I demand respect from my younger sister, and it is exactly what she doesn't give a damn about, which pisses me off. She is really quite a strong, hard-headed, independent, sometimes-irritating young lady. I salute her for being a tough girl, because, unlike her, I am more of a softie and indecisive person.

I used to think that it isn't fair that the world seems to evolves around her. Ever since young, my parents had been pampering her because she is the youngest child. When I'm 9, I am told that I'm a big girl, and thus, I need to be independent, and when SHE's 9, I'm told that she is still young, and needs to be taken care of more. See how silly my parents would sound like to me? *Laughs

It is true that I used to hate the lack of attention my parents gave me compared to my siblings, and to think back, it is still a fact that my parents really don't pay much attention to me compared to my siblings. No one could deny that. But what I came to realize is, that doesn't mean they don't love me as much as my siblings. Yes, my parents does pampers my sister more, to the point that even SHE knew that she could get away with anything, thus her stubbornness. My brother is usually the one that gets strict family-education, if one would put it that way. He is the eldest and the only son of the family, and one could only imagine the kind of pressure and expectations my parents put on him. My dad is strict when it comes to my brother, more lenient towards me and more forgiving when it comes to my sister. My mom, I think, tends to go between my brother, then my sister, and then more to my brother, me, then to my brother. What do people say? Women change their minds like they change their clothes.

I had to wonder, as the middle child, why isn't the world fair? I mean... Couldn't our parents just give the same attention to us 3? But then it struck me that the world was never fair, and it never will be. Why should it be fair to us? Life never owes us anything to begin with. When it comes the time when my brother went to U.K. for his tertiary studies,  I'm the oldest among my siblings at home. My parents DID start giving me more attention, but I felt pressured and uncomfortable with the sudden spotlight. Weird, because it was what I had always been craving for.

My sister, obviously, grew up, and of course, we, being sisters, still bitch about each other. :D I admit that I don't do a very good job being an elder sister, and does have a fair share annoying her. She has her strong points, as well as her weak points, and so do I. Being fair really isn't what I care about nowadays. I started to care more about my parents, siblings, friends, studies, and myself. I learnt to let go, and live and let live. Too much stress isn't too good for me anyway, so why not just relax and take things slowly? Yes, I still rant about my family, but that doesn't mean I don't love them, right? :)

Stop and stare, 

You think you're moving but you go nowhere,

You start to wonder why you're here, not there,

And you'd give anything to get what's fair,

But fair ain't what you really need...

How heavy is your bag?

There was once a teacher who told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes for themselves. For every person they'd refuse to forgive in their life, they are told to pick a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of the clear plastic bag, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

The students were then told that they're to carry their clear plastic bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work, making it a part of their life.

The hassle of lugging it around with the students made it clear to them what weight they are carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time so that they would not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated and turned to bear nasty smell and slime. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!!!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while it is true, it is clearly also a gift for ourselves!

So the next time you decide that you cant forgive someone, ask yourself, "Isn't MY bag heavy enough?"

Forgiveness may not change the past, but it definitely brightens the future. ;)

JOY!!!

Ngek ngek ngek xD

I finally got my L license~~ LOL

The joy of an 18 year-old idiot passing her knowledge test for the first time. That's me!  xP

This too shall pass ;)

One morning, a young boy, named Solomon, saw the goldsmith who works for King David's palace walks out of the palace with extreme desperateness and sadness. Solomon asked the goldsmith with curiosity, "What makes you so sad and desperate?"

The goldsmith answered, "I have to provide a solution to the King in seven days, or I will be take out of my job. I am really confused because there is no solution for what the King asked."

"What is the solution that the King asked for?" Solomon was curious.

The goldsmith presented the demand of the King to Solomon as followed. "I need to make a gold ring for the King with the inscription on it that will help the King to not be too happy that will cause him to forget the divine truth during his happy moments, but at the same time, the inscription should help him not to lose his heart when he is facing failures and desperations."

Immediately, Solomon gave what the goldsmith needs to inscribe on the ring.

He said: "Write as followed."

"This too shall pass."

credits: Vitamins for d soul

How I spent my first week of holiday...

I take things soooo easily nowadays. I know, I know... There's still Planning 10 assignments nagging me at the back of my mind... But really, who wants to do it if they could choose? =.=

This week was pretty nice. I got to enjoy some time working out in gym, swimming for a bit, and then hop into the sauna to sweat for a while. I slept like a dead pig (don't I always?) since I got the time of the world before school starts again.

Dear, you'll be proud to hear this. I helped mom with the chores (vacuuming, ironing, etc) without her calling me to do so. xD Just wanna share with you how obedient I am nowadays to fish for some compliments from you! ngek ngek ngek~

I received great news this week. Got to rest and relax for a bit. Work out as much and as long as I want. Laze and slack around whenever I felt like it. And I'm still planning to go out with friends next week. Tell me this isn't heaven?!?! =)