So sorry for not posting in my blog for such a long time. I've been so busy with my school these days, and my homework are flowing in non-stop, while my tests are constantly on-going. Since I put my school as one of the top 5 on my priority list, it is no surprise that blogging is at the back of my mind. I apologize for that. I usually finish my homework at 11.30 p.m. earliest, 12.30 pm on average, and if there's test on the next day, I wouldn't sleep until like 1.30 a.m. to 2.30 a.m.. And that is exactly why my immune system is low, thus I'm now really sick. I couldn't even think straight, and I keep on forgetting things that I need to do. I'm walking out quite a lot lately since my dad, brother and his wife is here, and I do enjoy the time spent with them. But I think what I need the most for now is to stay at home and rest. My body is constantly sending me the "you're-tired-now-so-go-rest" alert, and I think do need to follow it at this time. I actually don't wanna let my mom know that I'm sick. I'm afraid she'll call my brother or sister-in-law to nag bout it.
Hmmm.... I really hope I'll get well soon. I'm afraid that if I keep on forgetting things now, my dad will get angrier at me. Sorry dad.
Lord, put you mighty hands on me, and help me get well soon, please. I'm feeling kinda useless here at this moment... I'm scared, really, really scared. :( Amen.
I have another test on Monday. And I haven't finish my homework yet. Hope I can get it done ASAP so I can study for it. I'm determined to complete them well and score my test. :)
See you guys soon ;)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Fair?
Have you ever rant about your sibling(s)? I did, a lot, and still does sometimes. It is more towards my sister though. I've no idea why it isn't my brother, but maybe because my brother seems to be older than us, so he is away from us (in U.K. for his tertiary education) most of the time.
My sister and I have been enemies the moment we set eyes on each other. Heh. We have been arguing and fighting ever since I remember, and we still do, but more with the arguing than fighting, and not that often. Thank God for that. Being an older sister, I demand respect from my younger sister, and it is exactly what she doesn't give a damn about, which pisses me off. She is really quite a strong, hard-headed, independent, sometimes-irritating young lady. I salute her for being a tough girl, because, unlike her, I am more of a softie and indecisive person.
I used to think that it isn't fair that the world seems to evolves around her. Ever since young, my parents had been pampering her because she is the youngest child. When I'm 9, I am told that I'm a big girl, and thus, I need to be independent, and when SHE's 9, I'm told that she is still young, and needs to be taken care of more. See how silly my parents would sound like to me? *Laughs
It is true that I used to hate the lack of attention my parents gave me compared to my siblings, and to think back, it is still a fact that my parents really don't pay much attention to me compared to my siblings. No one could deny that. But what I came to realize is, that doesn't mean they don't love me as much as my siblings. Yes, my parents does pampers my sister more, to the point that even SHE knew that she could get away with anything, thus her stubbornness. My brother is usually the one that gets strict family-education, if one would put it that way. He is the eldest and the only son of the family, and one could only imagine the kind of pressure and expectations my parents put on him. My dad is strict when it comes to my brother, more lenient towards me and more forgiving when it comes to my sister. My mom, I think, tends to go between my brother, then my sister, and then more to my brother, me, then to my brother. What do people say? Women change their minds like they change their clothes.
I had to wonder, as the middle child, why isn't the world fair? I mean... Couldn't our parents just give the same attention to us 3? But then it struck me that the world was never fair, and it never will be. Why should it be fair to us? Life never owes us anything to begin with. When it comes the time when my brother went to U.K. for his tertiary studies, I'm the oldest among my siblings at home. My parents DID start giving me more attention, but I felt pressured and uncomfortable with the sudden spotlight. Weird, because it was what I had always been craving for.
My sister, obviously, grew up, and of course, we, being sisters, still bitch about each other. :D I admit that I don't do a very good job being an elder sister, and does have a fair share annoying her. She has her strong points, as well as her weak points, and so do I. Being fair really isn't what I care about nowadays. I started to care more about my parents, siblings, friends, studies, and myself. I learnt to let go, and live and let live. Too much stress isn't too good for me anyway, so why not just relax and take things slowly? Yes, I still rant about my family, but that doesn't mean I don't love them, right? :)
My sister and I have been enemies the moment we set eyes on each other. Heh. We have been arguing and fighting ever since I remember, and we still do, but more with the arguing than fighting, and not that often. Thank God for that. Being an older sister, I demand respect from my younger sister, and it is exactly what she doesn't give a damn about, which pisses me off. She is really quite a strong, hard-headed, independent, sometimes-irritating young lady. I salute her for being a tough girl, because, unlike her, I am more of a softie and indecisive person.
I used to think that it isn't fair that the world seems to evolves around her. Ever since young, my parents had been pampering her because she is the youngest child. When I'm 9, I am told that I'm a big girl, and thus, I need to be independent, and when SHE's 9, I'm told that she is still young, and needs to be taken care of more. See how silly my parents would sound like to me? *Laughs
It is true that I used to hate the lack of attention my parents gave me compared to my siblings, and to think back, it is still a fact that my parents really don't pay much attention to me compared to my siblings. No one could deny that. But what I came to realize is, that doesn't mean they don't love me as much as my siblings. Yes, my parents does pampers my sister more, to the point that even SHE knew that she could get away with anything, thus her stubbornness. My brother is usually the one that gets strict family-education, if one would put it that way. He is the eldest and the only son of the family, and one could only imagine the kind of pressure and expectations my parents put on him. My dad is strict when it comes to my brother, more lenient towards me and more forgiving when it comes to my sister. My mom, I think, tends to go between my brother, then my sister, and then more to my brother, me, then to my brother. What do people say? Women change their minds like they change their clothes.
I had to wonder, as the middle child, why isn't the world fair? I mean... Couldn't our parents just give the same attention to us 3? But then it struck me that the world was never fair, and it never will be. Why should it be fair to us? Life never owes us anything to begin with. When it comes the time when my brother went to U.K. for his tertiary studies, I'm the oldest among my siblings at home. My parents DID start giving me more attention, but I felt pressured and uncomfortable with the sudden spotlight. Weird, because it was what I had always been craving for.
My sister, obviously, grew up, and of course, we, being sisters, still bitch about each other. :D I admit that I don't do a very good job being an elder sister, and does have a fair share annoying her. She has her strong points, as well as her weak points, and so do I. Being fair really isn't what I care about nowadays. I started to care more about my parents, siblings, friends, studies, and myself. I learnt to let go, and live and let live. Too much stress isn't too good for me anyway, so why not just relax and take things slowly? Yes, I still rant about my family, but that doesn't mean I don't love them, right? :)
Stop and stare,
You think you're moving but you go nowhere,
You start to wonder why you're here, not there,
And you'd give anything to get what's fair,
But fair ain't what you really need...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
How heavy is your bag?
There was once a teacher who told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes for themselves. For every person they'd refuse to forgive in their life, they are told to pick a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of the clear plastic bag, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.
The students were then told that they're to carry their clear plastic bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work, making it a part of their life.
The hassle of lugging it around with the students made it clear to them what weight they are carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time so that they would not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.
Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated and turned to bear nasty smell and slime. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!!!
Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while it is true, it is clearly also a gift for ourselves!
So the next time you decide that you cant forgive someone, ask yourself, "Isn't MY bag heavy enough?"
Forgiveness may not change the past, but it definitely brightens the future. ;)
The students were then told that they're to carry their clear plastic bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work, making it a part of their life.
The hassle of lugging it around with the students made it clear to them what weight they are carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time so that they would not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.
Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated and turned to bear nasty smell and slime. It was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!!!
Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while it is true, it is clearly also a gift for ourselves!
So the next time you decide that you cant forgive someone, ask yourself, "Isn't MY bag heavy enough?"
Forgiveness may not change the past, but it definitely brightens the future. ;)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
JOY!!!
Ngek ngek ngek xD
I finally got my L license~~ LOL
The joy of an 18 year-old idiot passing her knowledge test for the first time. That's me! xP
I finally got my L license~~ LOL
The joy of an 18 year-old idiot passing her knowledge test for the first time. That's me! xP
Sunday, August 21, 2011
This too shall pass ;)
One morning, a young boy, named Solomon, saw the goldsmith who works for King David's palace walks out of the palace with extreme desperateness and sadness. Solomon asked the goldsmith with curiosity, "What makes you so sad and desperate?"
The goldsmith answered, "I have to provide a solution to the King in seven days, or I will be take out of my job. I am really confused because there is no solution for what the King asked."
"What is the solution that the King asked for?" Solomon was curious.
The goldsmith presented the demand of the King to Solomon as followed. "I need to make a gold ring for the King with the inscription on it that will help the King to not be too happy that will cause him to forget the divine truth during his happy moments, but at the same time, the inscription should help him not to lose his heart when he is facing failures and desperations."
Immediately, Solomon gave what the goldsmith needs to inscribe on the ring.
He said: "Write as followed."
"This too shall pass."
credits: Vitamins for d soul
Friday, August 19, 2011
How I spent my first week of holiday...
I take things soooo easily nowadays. I know, I know... There's still Planning 10 assignments nagging me at the back of my mind... But really, who wants to do it if they could choose? =.=
This week was pretty nice. I got to enjoy some time working out in gym, swimming for a bit, and then hop into the sauna to sweat for a while. I slept like a dead pig (don't I always?) since I got the time of the world before school starts again.
Dear, you'll be proud to hear this. I helped mom with the chores (vacuuming, ironing, etc) without her calling me to do so. xD Just wanna share with you how obedient I am nowadays to fish for some compliments from you! ngek ngek ngek~
I received great news this week. Got to rest and relax for a bit. Work out as much and as long as I want. Laze and slack around whenever I felt like it. And I'm still planning to go out with friends next week. Tell me this isn't heaven?!?! =)
This week was pretty nice. I got to enjoy some time working out in gym, swimming for a bit, and then hop into the sauna to sweat for a while. I slept like a dead pig (don't I always?) since I got the time of the world before school starts again.
Dear, you'll be proud to hear this. I helped mom with the chores (vacuuming, ironing, etc) without her calling me to do so. xD Just wanna share with you how obedient I am nowadays to fish for some compliments from you! ngek ngek ngek~
I received great news this week. Got to rest and relax for a bit. Work out as much and as long as I want. Laze and slack around whenever I felt like it. And I'm still planning to go out with friends next week. Tell me this isn't heaven?!?! =)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Understanding myself
Sometimes I thought I understand myself well, but yet there's still conflicts over my own personalities at times...
I know I'm a softie, always feeling sad, sorry and sympathy towards the weak, poor and vulnerable. It could range from a beggar to a wild dog wandering on streets. My friend said I'm a little too compassionate, worrying too much because I care too much. I take my friends as my family, and keep them close to me. I felt pain too easily, even if the one who got hurt wasn't me, just because I care. That's why I'm deemed a softie.
But at times, I show strength, and toughen up. Self encouragement doesn't always work as well as I want, but I get through with it, and get my jobs/tasks done, by hook or by crook. Whenever I see/read/know of the cruel ways one treat the other, a surge of ANGER comes to me, and I immediately think of cruel thoughts to treat the ones who I deem evil. But really, how good am I compared to the "evil one" when I, myself, is also thinking of the same, cruel, and evil stuff as him/her?
And then I remember:
I always think that these verses are scary, even though it does makes sense. I don't have the courage to take away my own flesh, which makes me selfish and possessive of the worldly things...
I let self-pity wash over me at times, and yet I still have the consciousness to bring myself back to the reality and move on with my life. I am a coward myself. No joke. I'm afraid of heights, cockroaches, rats, large amount of freshly flowing blood, etc. But most importantly, I'm afraid of the feeling of falling, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sometimes, even my achievements counts. And yet, I could conquer all these fear, even if I am afraid, when I am left with no choice.
I'm a people-pleaser. I'd rather please others, and comply to their wants or wishes, like how I want to please my parents ever since young. But then I am a leader, taking charge of even the tiniest details of my duties, and leading my mentees to accomplish everything in the right directions. I love the people around me dearly. My friends are my family, and my family is my gifts, and my gifts are all presents from God. I wouldn't compare who is more important to me. I judge who to go to with my feelings, instincts, or the needs of one. It doesn't really make sense, but really, how much of the things we know could be explained with logic?
I may be emotional, but I could also mask it up and get everything done. See the conflict over there? No wonder I get myself confuse over.. myself..... LOL
but I realize that each and every one of these results from fear, and these fears comes from me. They are my biggest limit, thus I, myself, is my biggest limitation. I am my own enemy, and also my own ally. It is just who I wanna be that counts. I may stumble and fall, which either results in the need of others (friends, family, Lord, etc) to pull me up, or I might have to find the strength within myself, but I know that if I choose to not give up, I will pull through, and when I look back in time at the near future, I will feel satisfaction surrounding over me.
I know I'm a softie, always feeling sad, sorry and sympathy towards the weak, poor and vulnerable. It could range from a beggar to a wild dog wandering on streets. My friend said I'm a little too compassionate, worrying too much because I care too much. I take my friends as my family, and keep them close to me. I felt pain too easily, even if the one who got hurt wasn't me, just because I care. That's why I'm deemed a softie.
But at times, I show strength, and toughen up. Self encouragement doesn't always work as well as I want, but I get through with it, and get my jobs/tasks done, by hook or by crook. Whenever I see/read/know of the cruel ways one treat the other, a surge of ANGER comes to me, and I immediately think of cruel thoughts to treat the ones who I deem evil. But really, how good am I compared to the "evil one" when I, myself, is also thinking of the same, cruel, and evil stuff as him/her?
And then I remember:
"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30
I always think that these verses are scary, even though it does makes sense. I don't have the courage to take away my own flesh, which makes me selfish and possessive of the worldly things...
I let self-pity wash over me at times, and yet I still have the consciousness to bring myself back to the reality and move on with my life. I am a coward myself. No joke. I'm afraid of heights, cockroaches, rats, large amount of freshly flowing blood, etc. But most importantly, I'm afraid of the feeling of falling, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sometimes, even my achievements counts. And yet, I could conquer all these fear, even if I am afraid, when I am left with no choice.
I take things too seriously sometimes, and I constantly need to remind myself to loosen up and relax. My temper is worst, and thus I consistently need to be patient, tolerate and endure towards what I dislike.
I'm a people-pleaser. I'd rather please others, and comply to their wants or wishes, like how I want to please my parents ever since young. But then I am a leader, taking charge of even the tiniest details of my duties, and leading my mentees to accomplish everything in the right directions. I love the people around me dearly. My friends are my family, and my family is my gifts, and my gifts are all presents from God. I wouldn't compare who is more important to me. I judge who to go to with my feelings, instincts, or the needs of one. It doesn't really make sense, but really, how much of the things we know could be explained with logic?
I may be emotional, but I could also mask it up and get everything done. See the conflict over there? No wonder I get myself confuse over.. myself..... LOL
but I realize that each and every one of these results from fear, and these fears comes from me. They are my biggest limit, thus I, myself, is my biggest limitation. I am my own enemy, and also my own ally. It is just who I wanna be that counts. I may stumble and fall, which either results in the need of others (friends, family, Lord, etc) to pull me up, or I might have to find the strength within myself, but I know that if I choose to not give up, I will pull through, and when I look back in time at the near future, I will feel satisfaction surrounding over me.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
;)
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